Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
