She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
