Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
