We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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