All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
