while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
