I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
