someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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