"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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