Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
