If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
