dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
