just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
