I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
