im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
