you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize