I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
