Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize