At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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