its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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