Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
