Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
