..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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