why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
