Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
