its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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