Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
