I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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