so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
