You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
