i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
