i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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