My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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