1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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