Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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