lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
