I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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