all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There r osticjed everywhere
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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