thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
