Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
