Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
