Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
