some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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