Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
