i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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