Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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