Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
