You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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