I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
