is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
