I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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