i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize