Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
