You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The Olympian is in my bed
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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