you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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