Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
