i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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