Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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