I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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