Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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