Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
