She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
