You can't special order awesome
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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