Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
