Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
