I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
