I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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