eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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