yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
