At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
