I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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