Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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