Can i not drive my cunt home
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
