I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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